“I’m cursed if you didn’t know. I am number 3. He was number 1. 13. But then…he was number 4. 43. 45. So then Roxanne was out. 36. Funny things happened before me. There was. 72. And then. 15. And way before that it was 7a, 7b, 7c, 7x, 7y, 7z. Finally. 73. Waiting for the cycle to kick in, is that bad? It’s all just some stupid constellation of numbers anyways.” —“Cantos:Homage to Modernist Insanity”
So, it all starts with number 1.
It’s funny how things turn out this way. But, I guess that’s always been your mentality, I mean, I did it to you and everyone else so that makes it ok for you to reciprocate the behavior.
As a part of my guilt, you know I’m going to stick around, and sadly, I’ll admit to it.
But, as a friend, and as the manifestation of all others who feel the same way, we are deeply offended.
You take us for granted.
Because we are your friends you expect us to be there when the storm blows over…
you forget that a friendship takes maintenance.
We are offended.
But since we are your friends, you are correct. We have no choice but to stay, and be here when you realize how wrong you’ve been.
Or, you may never realize, but who are we to have a say.
Know this. I will be here, whether it ends or not. That’s all I’ve been meaning to tell you throughout all the ignored phone calls and texts.
That being said, it’s fine that you choose her over me, I understand. I’m still offended, but I have done the same in the past so this is fair. Shit, we are all offended but no one else is man enough to say anything.
The only person with some balls is me, and you won’t give me the time of day.
Last night was my last attempt at trying to keep up whatever this is that we have.
I just want to say I’m tired. I’m tired of going 50, no, 75 and you not budging.
I’m tired of watching you look at me like I’m something expendable; something that you already have, not something that you have to keep up.
I’m tired of ranting to everyone about it and I’m tired of realizing I could never really get tired of it because that’s how frustrated I am.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of you.
Here’s my white flag. I give up. I’ll see you when it’s over.
